I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
