he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
