Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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