Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
I understand Curling. That high.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize
