She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
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