I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
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