My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
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