Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
he was CRYING into my vagina
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Randomize
