I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Randomize
