Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
