My hand turned me down
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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