There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
