alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize
