people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Randomize
