just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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