she looked like the before picture.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
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