Kiss
Puke
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
Fuck appropriateness.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Randomize
