honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Randomize
