just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
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