they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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