you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
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