Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
