i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
