if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize
