coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
Randomize
