dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Randomize
