I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Randomize
