ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
two words...techno handjob
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
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