question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
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