Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Randomize
