Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
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