She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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