You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
Randomize
