who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Randomize
