She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
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