So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
It was like giving head to a cactus.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
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