Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
