I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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