That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
