So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
NoShamevember. You game?
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Randomize
