New invention idea: vibrating tampons
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
she told me i tasted like america
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
