Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Randomize
