you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
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