Apparently you make a good broom.
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
jump out the window naked night went bad
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
Randomize
