OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
