because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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