I think my fart just growled at me.
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
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