people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
