Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
How does one acquire holy water?
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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