your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Randomize
