I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
