We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
Randomize
