Are we in a gay sports bar?
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Randomize
