I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Randomize
