just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
Randomize
