I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
